Friday, May 14, 2010
My Response to National Prayer Day.....
In response to the National Day of Prayer, or rather, the National Day of “Trying to do something without actually doing anything” I offer up a,
“National Atheist and Freethinkers Day of SLEEPING IN!”
Instead of people ruining their knees by kneeling on them all day long….
Instead of people prostrating themselves on the floor and getting dirty…
Instead of people having to face a certain directing and bending back and forth six times a day…
Instead of people not having an alcoholic drink of some sort…
Instead of people not being able to enjoy oysters, shrimp, crab, or lobster…..
Instead of people not being able to enjoy a delicious grilled hand and cheese sandwich….
Instead of people giving something up they enjoy for a few weeks….
Instead of people having to haul their rears out of bed early on Saturday or Sunday mornings…..
Instead of people having to hang out at a place of worship on Friday when they should be at Happy Hour…
Instead of people having to deal with incontinences put upon them by their religious beliefs….
Everyone regardless of their race, religion, or national origin gets to STAY IN BED AND GET SOME WELL DESERVED SLEEP.
Everyone regardless of race, religion or national origin will be well rested and refreshed.
Morning traffic will be reduced.
Combustion engine emissions will be reduced.
Millions of gallons of fuels well be saved.
Wrecks and fender benders will be reduced.
No one will be speaking in tongues because they’ll all be asleep, and snoring.
Couples can have a chance at some unrushed “slap and tickle.”
Fox News, Glen Beck and Rush Limbaugh can rail against the “liberals” and God Damn Atheists and Freethinkers because everyone is asleep and not listening to their shows.
Rachael Maddow can show up to MSNBC in her flannel PJs and slippers.
Keith Oberman doesn’t have to worry about having a stroke while going after the conservatives.
The Catholic Church doesn’t have to open early for morning services.
Sarah Palin can have a new ghost written book about the “God Damn Atheist and the Liberals undermining the American way by finally letting the people of the United States get some sleep.”
Now, there will be those who protest.
There always are.
I’m sure Pat Robertson will tell everyone that “Jesus slept for your sins…”
There will be that one mullah who’ll blame it all on the decadent west and the posturepedic mattress because, well, the Prophet didn’t have one….just a carpet.
And the rabbi who’ll complain that, “Mosses his followers didn’t get to roam the desert for forty years by staying in bed all day….And don’t think God doesn’t know.
Of course the Buddhists response to all this will be, “Sleep happens…”